Austin Powers vs Johnny English (New Line vs StudioCanal)

 

“You can’t be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is.” – Roger Moore

Austin Powers,Shagadelic International Man of Mystery!

Johnny English,The Man for all Seasons!

James Bond,one of the most iconic heroes in all of cinema,a precise spy who can complete any task given,these two...are not that,in fact they are not the greatest at their job,but only one of these Spy's will Live Twice,TIME TO FIND OUT!

Before We Start…

For Austin Powers and Johnny English we will Obviously use their Original Trilogy but we will also use The Austin Powers Videogames (Yes there are Videogames) and Basically Everything i could get my Hand on Regarding these two. Also i couldn't find any Place to read the Austin Powers Books (Yes there are Books) so i Probably missed something,i dont know maybe Austin Destroys a Universe in it or something.

Background

Austin Powers

Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!

When Austin was a Baby,His Parent took him and His Brother to a road trip to Belgium. At one point during the trip, his father left the car to urinate, during which time the car was blown up. Austin survived the explosion, but his mother was killed and his brother was missing and presumed dead. Due to the loss of his wife and one of his sons, Nigel kept a very distant relationship with his remaining son.

When he Reached 18 Austin enrolled in the British Intelligence Academy to become an International Man of Mystery. Unknown to Austin, his roommate being the 19-year-old Douglas Evil was actually his long lost brother. It was during his time at the academy that he first met Basil Exposition. Despite Douglas Evil having the highest marks in the class, Austin was chosen as his class's International Man of Mystery.

His fame and skill in bed made him an instant sex symbol of the mod movement. About the only woman he wanted to sleep with, but did not, was Mrs. Kensington, out of respect for her marriage.

One day, in 1967, he received word from Basil Exposition that Dr. Evil was planning a trap for him at the Electric Psychadelic Pussycat Swinger's Club. Sneaking into the club, Austin was attacked by one of Dr. Evil's assassins, but managed to overpower him,but arrived too late to prevent Dr. Evil from sealing himself in a cryogenic pod and launching himself into space.

Knowing that, one day, Dr. Evil would return to menace the Earth anew, Austin agreed to have himself frozen so he could battle Dr. Evil in the future.

Johnny English

Let's kick some Bottom.

Not much is know about English's Early Life but Prior to Becoming a Spy, Johnny was a former junior Royal Navy officer who served as the Captain's aide. But due to an undiagnosed sleepwalking condition - at one point almost falling into the sea whilst onboard a warship, Johnny was forced to leave the service. In 1997, he became a special agent for MI7.

After Agent One dies in a submarine accident (courtesy of English making a mistake on checking the submarine hatch code), the remaining agents are assassinated via a bombing at Agent One’s funeral (again courtesy of English's incompetence at security), leaving English as the lone survivor. English is assigned to follow a plot to steal the Crown Jewels, which are on display at the Tower of London.

As Expected it...dosen't go well. After making up a false description of the assailant,he sets out to find the Jewels and,he actully does it,He Stops the Criminals and Gets the Girl,which he acidentally then Lauches out of the Car...huh.

Johnny English was later exiled to Tibet, training to achieve balance for his reincarnation. When Johnny was done training, he was brought back to London for an important mission. In London, English was briefed and given the mission by Pegasus, and meets Tucker, his new partner. Before being to sent to Hong Kong to prevent a plot to assassinate the Chinese Premier. After Completing said Mission English was rewarded for his heroics. Finally Becoming the Almost Competent Spy he wanted to be...i mean,kinda...not really but let him have this.

Experience And Skill

Austin Powers

Austin isn't Exactly who you think of when you think "Skill" or "Experience" but he does have some pretty impressive feats to his name,he has Studied in the British Intelligence Academy and is quite Skilled,he once Swinged across a gap and defeated an armed guard using toiletries.

Johnny English

Don't be Fooled by his Goofiness,Johnny is a Master of espionage,as i said he was a Junior Royal Navy officer before becoming a spy,he also had Training in Tibet and while he has his fair share of goofs,he's also able to beat 4 Armed Thugs on his own,Disarm People,Subdue an armed guard with his hands tied behind his back and even Enter Garroch Castle by disguising himself as a bagpipes player. Not to mention he Escaped The Entirely of the MI7 Organization in a Wheelchair. A WHEELCHAIR,So yeah,he's no Joke.

Equipment

Austin Powers

Walther PPK

a Semi-Automatic Pistol and Austin's Weapon of Choice,also Fun Fact,this is The Same Pistol James Bond uses,Austin's Aim Isn't the Best tho

Luger P08

This is Tecnically Number 2's Weapon but Austin has Used it Before. It's a German Semi-Automatic pistol.

Kimel AP-9

Another Semi-Automatic Machine Gun used by Austin,his aim is still Terrible.

Explosives

Not sure how Potent they Are since he never really used it,But it still seems Negligent to Sleep right next to a Literal Bomb.

Smoke Bomb

Perfect for a Quick Getaway and Oddly Sexually Shaped Shadows.

High Tech Glasses

Austin's Glasses can zoom in and even Analyze Holes (I'm actully just now Realizing how that sounds)

Swedish Made Penis Enlarger

Cleary not his,not sure why i'm Including it.

SWEDISH-MADE PENIS ENLARGER PUMPS AND ME: (This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby)

Huh...would you look at that.

Shaguar

originally driven by Austin's partner Marie Kensington. When Austin was frozen for 30 years and thawed out in 1997. The car would still be served as his and his new partner and future wife Vanessa,The Number plate on the back tail of this car reads "SWINGER"

Time Travelling Car

As the name Implies it's a time travel car (Time huh?) ,it was issued by the Ministry of Defense and driven by Austin Powers so he could time travel to 1969 (i'm not making a Unfunny 69 Joke)

Pimp-Mobile

the second time travel car (How are there two of them) issued by the Ministry Of Defense so Austin could time travel to 1975 to rescue his father Nigel,The number plate on the car reads SWINGER3. 

Steamroller

No,He dosen't Pull a Dio and throw it at People,As cool as That would be. He kinda just Slowly Runs them over with it.

Power-Ups

In Austin Powers: Oh Behave for the Gameboy Color,you can Play a Shitty Pac-Man Knockoff and just like Pac-Man you Can find Power Ups that make enemies run away form you and die upon Contact.,He can also find Hearts that Heal him and Lightning that makes him go Faster

Triangle...Thingy?

Upon Touching it,every Enemy around Austin will turn into these Weird Ice Cream Cone looking Things for a Short Period of time,they will then go back to Normal after a while.

Comically Large Scissors

Kill La Kill Moment.

Johnny English

Beretta 92FS Inox

a semi-automatic,Double Action Pistol.

Walther PPK

Oh hey,it's that gun Again,as i said Same as 007 Uses.

Beretta 92FS

Yet Another Semi-Automatic Pistol,don't worry we will get into the fun stuff soon.

Glock 17

a short-recoil-operated,locked-breech semi-automatic pistol

Special Issue Serum Rings

Special Issue Serum Rings were devices created by MI7 and used by its agents. They were tipped with a needle and capable of storing up 1.2 tsp of different nerve agents and serums. Johnny English took a pair of these rings with him on a mission,those being The Super Strength Ring as shown in the Gif,and a Truth Serum.

Voice-Changing Travel Lozenges

lozenges that could alter the pitch of a person's voice. They do look Pretty tasty tho

P-2 Digital Dart Gun

As the Name Implies,it's a Gun that shoots Darts,it can Even Lock on Targets.

Total Knockout Sleeping Pills

Pills who Can Instantly knockout a Person upon Drinking it.

Instant Release High Energy Pills

contains a very powerful stimulant. They were packaged on the opposite side of a tube from a batch of Total Knockout Sleeping Pills. So Obviously Johnny Took them instead of the knockout Pills,with it he was able to dance for a Whole Night.

Distress Alarm Flare

a Flare Capable of Making a Loud Alarm in Case a Agent gets in any Danger.

Umbrella RPG

an umbrella that launches a small missile after the open button is pressed twice.

Shoebox Inflatable

a Inflatable Boat Hidden Inside a Shoebox,i never got Why Spy's Hide Things inside Shoeboxes,i mean,wouldn't it be way More Suspicious?

Magnetic Boots

Boots that can...well,stick to Metal,Pretty Self explainatory

Exploding Cotton Bud

As the name suggests, the device is a cotton bud containing an explosive charge and is activated by being folded in half until the two ends touched. It's potent enough to Bust Trough doors.

EXO-720

It consists of a remotely operated neoprene exoskeleton. The suit increases the wearer's strength a hundred times. However, the version of the exoskeleton is dated since it has to be connected to a vintage computer via wires.

Sherbet Fountain Location Transmitter

a tracking device and signal beacon disguised as candy and is activated after being sucked on three times.

QX-103 Service Issue Ballpoint

a normal-looking pen who after two clicks in rapid succession will fire a tranquilizer dart, containing 5 teaspoons of a classified chemical. The effect is complete paralysis and and a coma-like state for up to two hours.

Breadstick Blowpipe

it is a blowpipe disguised as a breadstick and designed to shoot darts carrying a mild sedative.

Granny Smith Hand Grenade

a hand grenade disguised as a Granny Smith apple. The grenade’s pin is disguised as the apple stem and has a five-second fuse.

Jelly Babies

Bombs disguised as...well,Jelly Babies,it can Explode a Person's head in a Single Bite.

Montblanc Blaster

a pen activated by removing the cap. If not replaced within twenty seconds of removal, the cap will detonate with the force of a stun grenade.

Aston Martin DB7 Vantage

It is equipped with shields, four SA17 armour-piercing missiles, smoke dispensers, radar and ejectable seats and can also be reconfigured into an aquatic mode. The vehicle can reach a top speed of 165 mph. Also there's Drink Dispensers :)

Aston Martin V8 Vantage

a old and Slightly Outdated spy Car who English Choose due to being Harder To Track,It Can Lauch Tear Gas Missiles

Rolls-Royce Phantom

a Spy Car Described to be as "Quiet as the wind" with Many special Features Including,Personalized voice-activation,Video communication,Digitally changeable number plate,Dispensable golf balls and even Shoot Lasers.

Helicopter

a Eurocopter AS355 to be More Specific,which can fly up to 139 mph,i'm more Impressed by The Fact Johnny knows how to Pilot this thing.

Knight Suit

a Stylish Medieval suit who can Block Bullets,With the downside being that...Well. England is Extremely slow while Wearing it. It even Comes with a Sword!

Abilities

Austin Powers

Judo Chop

It may not look like it but Austin is a Master of Martial Art,Able to Knock out Full Grown Adults with a Single Powerful Chop.

4th Wall Awareness

Austin is not only able to Read and Interact with The Subtitles but he also Once Talked to the Audience itself to Promote his New Movie. 

Toon Force

While not as broken as other Users of ToonForce,Powers still has a Few instances of having Such Power (heh),he Once used a Woman as a Shield to Block a Bazooka Shot,Not to mention his Legs once Detached form his body and ran Away

Mind Control

Yeah,Austin has Jedi mind tricks,Austin apparently learned this...Technique form his Past Guru,it involves making Eye Contact with the Person,doing these weird Eyebrow Raises and...There you go! Obligatory These are not the Droids you are looking for Joke.

Creation

Austin has shown to be able to somehow create a 2D Image of "Mojo" in his hand then Proceed to Transform it into Various 3D Male Symbols. He also pulled a Water Bottle,a Newspaper and a Stick out of nowhere more than once.

Mojo

Mojo. The libido, the life force, the essence, the right stuff. What the French call a certain... I don't know what. And The source for Austin Power...well,Power. Making him irresistible to Almost any woman,It's also where his Bed Experience is at and without it he can't do well in it even though he lost it and could still have sex the next movie,huh...Maybe the Real Mojo was inside us all along.

Johnny English

Resistances

• Pain: Johnny can Ignore any Kind of Pain With enough concentration,including being unfazed from being kicked multiple times in the testicles (Ouch.)
• Mind Manipulation and Poison Manipulation: Resisted the Effects of a Mind Control Drug who would have killed him.

Wait,That's it?

Huh...

 Feats

Austin Powers

Overall

• Became a Sucessful Spy and Stopped the Plans of Dr Evil Multiple Times
• Reunited with His Father and Brother 
• Defeated many of Doctor Evil's Henchmans
• Is Peak Mike Myers
• Has a Incredibly Hairy Chest
• Rap Battled James Bond

Strength

• Able to Knock out Full Grown Man with a Single Strike
• Forced apart metal Doors
• Kicked a Door Down
• Kicked Mini-Me Across the Room
• Flipped Fat Bastard,who Weights 1000kg
• Punched Trough Glass

 Speed

• Blocked a Throw Knife
• Blocked Machine Gun Rounds
• Blocked a FUCKING Bazooka Shot
• Dodged Bullets and Catched one in his mouth

Durability

• Survived a Car Explosion as a Baby (0.597 tons)
• Survived a bazooka blast and a long fall
• Survived this Explosion 
• Took a hit from Random Task’s shoe, which can break stone statues 

Johnny English

Overall

• Became the King of England
• Received a knighthood as reward for thwarting Pascal Sauvage's plot (For a Short Period of time)
• Became a MI7 Agent
• Was Rewarded for his Heroics
• Played by Mr.Bean
• Peak Theme Song
• Hates The French (Based)

Strength

• Knocked Out Pegasus in a Single Punch
• Knocked out a Guard with a Headbutt
• Knocked Out Jason Volta by hurling a tablet phone at him.
• Knocked out the Bishop of England.
• Effortlessly swung a Russian spy onto the ground without even realizing 
• Dragged a rock attached to his genitals (Oh God...)

Speed

• Hit a guard before he could pull the trigger
• Blocked Several Point Blank Knife Throws
• Dodged Bullets
• Avoided Submachine Gun Rounds

Durability

• Was Kicked in the Balls multiple times with No Reaction Whatsoever 
• Survived being lunched dozens of meters away at high speeds
• Dragged a rock attached to his genitals

Weaknesses

Austin Powers

While Competent,Austin has Serious Issues with Aiming,i mean it's pratically a Running Gag at this point,His um...Sexual Fantasies can also get in the way and Leave him Open for Attacks but besides that he dosen't have many Weaknesses.

Johnny English

While Having Rare Moments of Genius,Johnny is Often Portrayed as Clumsy and for Lack of a Better word...incompetent,Sometimes, Johnny can make a fool of himself and make mistakes during missions, compromising the whole operation. He Can also be Manipulated pretty easily due to his Innocence.

Before the Veredicts...

Fat Bastard Shakes a Volcano Base

So i Thought about this Feat a Lot,After Stealing Austin Powers Mojo Fat Bastard goes back to and Shakes Dr.Evil's Volcano base just by Walking,a Caribbean Volcano is about 3,864 feet (1,178 metres) at its Lowest,and trust me i tried to Find a Caribbean Volcano that Looked like Dr.Evil's Base but no luck there,so we will just go with the Average for now. Also,i feel like i should Establish something,Fat Bastard is Only Shaking the Head,so first we will need to learn how much of the Volcano is the Head.

with This Frankly Beautiful Elementary School Styled Counting,we know Dr.Evil's volcano is Worth 2,5 Dr.Evil Heads. 3,864 ÷ 2,5 = 1545,using a few Websites we can find the Magnitude,you put all that in a calculator Leaving us with a Whopping 951 Tons of TNT (Multi-City Block)

But...im gonna Adress the Elephant in the Room,For me at least,this is The Definition of a outlier this literally only happens once and never again,it's definitly just a Gag feat. So,no,even after doing all that i DO NOT Buy Multi-City Block Austin (Sorry Fat Bastard,but you ain't beating Homelander). 

How Strong is the EXO-720?

As i Said,The Exo-720 increases the wearer's strength a hundred times. So this calc should be pretty Simple,first lets take Johnny's Strongest Feat,Knocking out People by throwing a Tablet or Just knocking out people in general which comes out to wall which at bare Minimum comes to 15 kiloJoules.

15 x 100 = 1500. Which should still put him in wall but much higher. 

Verdicts

Stats

Okay,this section is Fascnating due to how many Similar Feats these two have,Let's start with Strength,neither of them are exactly OP,both getting to around Wall Level at most,both can Knock out Full Grown Adults easily which as i said before,it's at least 15 Kilojoules,Atough as i said if you Buy the Fat Bastard Volcano Shaking Feat then Austin takes the Advantage by a LOT. I personally don't but each their own,The Exo Suit does make Johnny a lot Stronger but it has a few problems im gonna get into soon,but for now they should be pretty Comparable.

Now Let's talk about speed,much like Strength they can do much of the same things,like Dodge Bullets and Blocking Knifes,atough Austin is Twice as Fast due To the type of Bullets he blocks,Johnny can Dodge Submachine Gun Fire which can get at most to 400 m/s which is very Impressive don't get me wrong but austin Can Dodge Machine Gun fire who can get up to 853 m/s,even if both are Supersonic,Austin is TWICE as fast and he can get even faster with the Lightning Power up,so yeah austin takes this easily.

Now,Let's finish things off with Durability,austin should also take this pretty easily,Austin survived a Car Explosion as a Baby,A BABY,which calcs to this (Small Building To Building). Yeah,That Durability is Absolutly broken Compared to Johnny who...dosen't really have a Lot of Durability Feats weirdly Enough,well he does survive being Lauched away which Apparently comes go Wall but i couldn't really find a way to calc it but it's still So much Weaker than Powers Durability so yeah,Austin is Faster and More Durable but both have the same Strength.

Arsenal

When,i first started this Blog,i already knew Johnny's Arsenal Completly Overshadowed Austin's Arsenal but most of Johnny's arsenal is made for Spying and not for 1v1 Battles,and even then Johnny dosen't know how to use most of them. Atough as i said,he does have the Numbers Advantage,not to mention way more Fire Power (Grenades,Tear Misiles and Cars with many Special Abilities),not to mention he has the Air Advantage with the Helicopter,but Austin has straight up Supernatural Abilities,like Transmutation and Dura Neg,not to mention Straight up Time Travel,compared to Johnny's way more Grounded Arsenal,so honestly i'm not sure,Austin has Quality but Johnny has Quantity,so i'm gonna go with Austin for now,Oh wait,almost forgot to talk about the EXO Suit,so Let's keep it quick,The main problem with it is that you need two people to Operate it due to how Dated it is,needing to be connected to a Computer so yeah,even if it was enough to do Damage to Austin's Durability,he straight up can't use it.

Abilities

Okay,this one is pretty esay,Johnny dosen't really have any Abilities but he can resist Austin's Mind Control which is pretty Handy Besides That he can block any sign of damage,it still hurts him but he can't feel pain,Austin dosen't have that many combat applicable Abilities,like 4th wall Awarness and creation isn't that useful but he also had some really useful Abilities like ToonForce and Mind control...well,Johnny resists it but still,so Austin should take this too. 

Conclusion

this Matchup was so Fascinating,they both can do many of the same things Stats wise,Like knock out Grown adults or Dodge Bullets,They have the Same Strength (if you don't buy Multi-City Block Austin which i don't),similar speed,but besides that austin takes most of the points,he's Faster,is WAY More Durable,has a better Arsenal Though that's Debatable,and has better Abilities not to mention Austin can pull a "Time huh" and Time Travel to gain the Advatange,Not to mention Durability Neg and all of that,it Ultimatly comes down to How Grounded Johnny English is Compared to Austin,his best Shot is the Umbrella and Austin has Reacted to Launchers before even while being Caught by Surprise,so at least for me,The Winner is Austin Powers. 

Advantages and Disadvantages

Austin Powers

"Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later? How do you like to do it?"

Advantages:

• Faster and More Durable 
• Time Huh? x2
• Much Stronger with Fat Bastard Scaling (if you Buy it)
• Can Durability Neg with Mojo
• Able to Heal Himself 
• Able to Make Johnny Harmless for a Short Period of time
• Mike Myers 

Disadvantages:

• Mind Control is useless
• Has shit aim
• Would have problems Dealing with Johnny's Helicopter 
• Creation is also kinda useless 
• Has less Equipment overall

Johnny English

"The word "mistake," sir, is not one that appears in my dictionary."

Advantages:

• Has the Air Advantage
• Has a Way Bigger Arsenal
• Can Resist Mind Control
• Pain Tolerance would allow him to fight for a while
• Tear Gas Missile would leave Austin Open
• Seems to have quick Moments of Genius when the Moment Calls.
• Rowan Atkinson

Disadvantages:

• Slower and Less Durable
• Has almost no Special Abilities
• Pretty Dumb and Esay to Manipulate
• Way Weaker if you Buy Fat Bastard Scaling
• Can't use Arguably his best weapon

Both of these Spy's were much more than you would think by just looking at them,but Austin's Sheer Durability and...well,Power was more than enough Overwhelm Johnny,in The end Austin had more than enough of a View on how To Kill English.

The Winner is Austin Powers 

Next Time and a Quick Announcement

Listen,this will be my very first comic Book Blog and as you probably know Comic Books have a massive history and i genuinely don't think i can do it alone,which is why i'm requesting YOUR Help,that's right Your Help! Any kind of help is Appreciated,really,even just giving Feedback,i love this Matchup and i want it to be as good as Possible,just Dm me on Reddit.