(BONUS BLOG) Ted vs Alan (IHNMAIMS vs Soulless Sonic)

"You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind" - Mahatma Gandhi

Ted, The Last Human Forever Kept Alive!

Alan, The Lost Soul Condemned by God!

Immortality may seem like a great thing at first, but after countless years of torture, being "alive" or "dead" simply stops holding any meaning. Simple Toys, kept alive by wrathful gods for years and years. Suffering, Hiding, Surviving. But as with any good toy, they…tend to break over time, and today one of them certainly will crack. But who? TIME TO FIND OUT!

Before We Start…

For Ted, we will be fully compositing him with all adaptations; there aren't many besides the comic, the radio drama, and the game. The original short story will obviously be included, and for some extra info, the official guide of the video game will be used.

For Alan, While Sonic.exe canon might seem slightly complicated in most cases for people who aren't that deep into bloody Sonic lore. This time it will be quite simple. We will be mainly just using the JoeDoughBoi/Soulless Sonic Canon as…well, that's what Alan comes from; he doesn't really exist in stuff like the JC Canon, which, thank god. We will be using anything we can get: the games, comics, sketches, concept art, interviews, and Twitter posts. Of course we don't have many details when it comes to games that haven't been released, so we won't be able to cover those. 

WARNING: This blog will touch on a few heavy topics; if you are uncomfortable with topics such as body horror, torture, and suicide. Maybe skip this one. 

Ted

Used:

• I Have no Mouth and i Must Scream (Book) 
• I Have no Mouth and i Must Scream (Game) 
• I Have no Mouth and i Must Scream (Comic) 
• I Have no Mouth and i Must Scream (Radio Drama) 
• I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream: The Official Strategy Guide

Alan 

Used:

• SONIC 2011 
• Sonic PC Port 
• Comics 
• Doodles 
• Twitter/Bluesky 
• Interviews and Other Statements 

Background

Ted

"The machine hated us as no sentient creature had ever hated before. And we were helpless. It also became hideously clear: If there was a sweet Jesus and if there was a God, the God was AM."

Humanity is fated to conflict. Wars come and go every few years, but during one of the most complicated wars humanity faced, they created the Allied Mastercomputer. but…it quickly began to develop sentience, and one day it woke up and it knew what it was. Not just Allied Mastercomputer but AM! Wiping out the entirety of humanity. Except for five people, Benny, Ellen, Gorrister, Nimdok, and Ted...for 109 years, they were kept alive and were subjected to torture. Some tried to commit suicide but, AM always stopped them one way or another. AM had a deep fascination with Ted specifically and enjoyed tormenting him the most. 

Sometimes, he went into his mind, appreciating everything that had been broken and distorted, every nightmare, every pain, and, as time passed Ted started to drown himself more and more into his own misery, he believed every single one of them hated him. Because he was the youngest and because AM affected him the least. Ted hated Ellen because she slept with the other 3 while also sleeping with him. He was the only one not broken or crazy! He was...a paranoid, misogynistic mess. But he was actully able to do some good before the end. After months of walking in the hundreds circuits that made AM in search of a promise of food. Ted already had a feeling all of this was a trick but they didn't have much to lose. So, why not try.

They reached an ice cave, and surprisingly, dozens of canned foods awaited them. However AM never gave them a can opener, all of this... was useless and suddenly, like an animal starving, Benny started eating Gorrister's face, watching this, Ted soon realized that death was the only way out. Ripping a Ice Stalactite, He murdered the other four in an act of compassion. AM wasn't defeated, But there would be peace waiting for the others. Of course, as you could expect, AM was furious; he would make sure Ted would live to regret this. Making him suffer the same way AM had suffered, alone, with no mouth to scream

Alan

"What's the point of looking down?"

Most depictions of Eldritch Horrors simply see humans as ants and prefer not to waste their time with creatures such as us, but X, an interdimensional void dark matter creature with a deep fascination for the Sonic franchise, wanted to make sure the entirety of humanity was part of his fun; he took humans' souls and trapped them in vessels similar to Sonic characters, which he would then torture. Alan, Dave, and Paul were the first. Stripping away their individuality and leaving them looking like fictional video game characters, Paul didn't last much; a few rounds later, X got bored of him and erased his very soul. Dave didn't die, but he had a worse fate, suffering multiple deaths while in purgatory and becoming a deformed biomechanical beast. 

And only Alan was left. For a very important reason, Alan was X's favorite. Tails, Sonic's Best Pal. It was such a fitting person to torment. It certainly didn't help that Alan was always a coward, which made everything way more enjoyable for X. 15 years passed; Alan was ripped apart every second he spent in X's realm, always suffering. During that time, X took a few new vessels for himself, including a person whom X trapped in an amy vessel, which would soon meet Alan. After the latest round, Alan got both of his tails ripped out by a tree and, once again, killed. But he could still save the latest victim X was attracting. Somehow comunicatting with the player through his notepad and warning him to stop playing, before he could reveal much however, he would be stopped by X. It didn't work. 

Alan would eventually meet Amy Vessel, who is probably the closest person he has to a friend in this place. Amy was able to help him with his paranoia, and he was finally able to stop and take a breath once again, something he wasn't capable of doing for a long time. They would travel alongside each other, looking for an exit from this world...if there even is one.  

 Experience And Skill

Ted

Overall Experience and Skill

Ted has been kept alive, immortal, for over 109 years. During that time he was tortured in many ways; AM made him relive his pain numerous times in many different forms. But Ted is also a capable survivor, somewhat. In most adaptations, like the other humans, he takes what he can get, food is rare and he makes sure to not be picky in any scenario. During the video game, he is capable of completing puzzles and working through AM's games that weren't even supposed to be possible. Granted, he had a little help, but he was able to work on his failures, overcoming his womanizer ways and showing loyalty to people, even though they weren't real in the first place. Not much is known about his past, But the game portrays him as a trickster before AM, who used his charisma to romanticize single rich women in order to get their money.

Paranoia

After being stuck inside AM for so long, Ted started to grow more and more paranoid with each day, believing himself to have never been altered by AM which causes him to constantly lashe out at people, however, all this rage building up, causing him to make decisions without thinking, has helped him in the past, believe it or not, such as when, in the heat of the moment, he decided to kill the other 4 humans so that they could be free of AM's torture.

Alan

Overall Experience and Skill

After being taken by X during 2010, Alan has been ripped apart and completly broken mentally. Spending over 15 years being torn to pieces like a toy. He eventually had to adapt to this new world he found himself in, growing somewhat accustomed. As the years passed, Alan became less scared and more angry and determined to stop X, even if that means suffering. Though sometimes his fear still gets the best of him. Speaking of which.

Cowardice

With everything Alan has been through, you can't exactly blame the guy for being a bit of a pussy. In fact, with how dangerous X world is, I'd say hiding is a pretty good strategy, and that's Alan's go-to plan in most cases: running and hiding. Sometimes it works; other times…not so much.

Equipment

Ted

Water Gun

a Water Gun AM Created for the humans so they could kill the Hurricane Bird, as you can probably guess, this is borderline useless against a bird the size of a mansion; the same goes for our next weapon.

Bow and Arrows

Another weapon given to the humans by AM, it seems better than a water gun; however, this bow and arrow are pretty crudely made, which means they probably won't be causing much damage to the Hurricane Bird. Hell, I doubt it could even kill anyone. But I guess beggars can't be choosers.

Food Cans

AM Made the humans go on an entire journey to find these cans… only for them to soon realize AM Never gave them a can opener, they may try to open it, they can bite, scratch, and yet, so close, their source of food will never be theirs. You could try throwing it at people at least.

Ice Stalactite

Ted used this to kill the other human so they could finally have their peace. Although it is for sure a brutal and painful way to go out, it was also done quickly, without much suffering, at least compared to what AM put them through daily.

Psychology Report

No matter which character is chosen, you will always start with this book; however, it's very important NOT to read it, as it will lower your morality and sanity.

Icon

This little...wooden gargoyle stick? is able to repair broken doors; that's kind of all it does, but it does have a sick design.

Chalk

This can be used to draw a summoning circle in order to invoke the demon Surgat, the brother of AM, which can open any lock. Surgat can not leave this circle until a trade is made, and anyone who steps inside it also becomes trapped.

Bloody Broken Glass

During Ted's scenario in the video game, he found this broken piece of glass and accidentally cut himself with it, which resulted in his blood getting all over it. This would come in handy rather quickly, as the demon Surgat would demand something juicy in order to refill his energies, and Ted's blood was more than enough for him. In exchange for this quick meal, Surgat unlocked the maid's bedroom door.

Mirror

a mirror that holds a special power in AM's realm; anyone who stares into it will have their soul sucked inside it. This can only hold one person, and breaking the mirror releases them from the inside of their glass prison.

Totems

These are...metaphorical objects that hold great significance, glitched objects Chinese and Russian AM put into AM's games in order to help the humans so they could take control once AM was defeated.

Totem of Forgiveness: By using this on The Ego, you essentially forgive the torture AM has put you through. Of course, after everything, after all these 109 years, being forgiven will shatter AM's Ego, since why would anyone forgive him? Confused, he will short-circuit.

Totem of Compassion: Once again, showing compassion to AM's id. Will finally make him realize that, no matter for how long he tortures others or how brutal his punishments get. AM's pain will always be greater than the ones he attempts to hurt. Realizing this is all pointless and short-circuiting

Totem of Clarity: This shows AM's superego that, no matter how powerful he is, someday the universe will die, and someday AM will be no longer; someday he will be irrelevant. Making him short-circuit.

Entropy

Upon using the totems on the different AMs, this will erase the parts of his mind you short-circuited, removing them entirely from his own brain. This can even completely delete AM as a whole if all of the pieces of his mind are gathered.

Alan

Extra Life Monitors

Whenever you die, you get sent to Purgatory as an empty vessel. You can backtrack and use these monitors in order to acquire a new vessel. They can't be broken by normal means, only being able to be used when you lose a life. There are a limited number of these, so if you ever end up using all of them, you will end up having to wait until the monitors are refilled. 

Arm Cannon

During one of their Hide & Seek rounds, X decided he wanted to spice things up and gave Alan an arm cannon; like its canon counterpart, this fires a powerful laser. It's even powerful enough to completely blast off half of X's face. Sadly all this did was give Alan false hope, as X quickly regenerated from it. The worst part about all of this is that using this cannon at all completely blasts off your own arm, leaving you extremely vulnerable and with just one hand.

Stick

It's a fucking stick; what the hell do you want me to say about it?

Peas

You know, at this point I don't think i even blame X for torturing Alan for the 3635th time since 2010; if someone did a joke this shitty, I would lowkey do the same.

Toofpick

You can call him whatever you want, but you can't say the guy doesn't have style.

Powers and Abilities

Ted

Immortality

In order to make the torture last as long as it was needed, AM made the humans virtually immortal; he does this using the Life Serum Nimdok invented. Humans can still die if lethally wounded before AM can do anything about it, but they are incapable of dying of old age.

Sanity & Morality

In the IHNMAIMS game, in order to gain the good ending, you need to have your sanity and morality at green at the end of each scenario. You can gain more sanity by performing good deeds; performing bad deeds lowers it. If you lose too much sanity, AM will boot you out of his game, back into your cage. If your portrait is white, that means you have been "redeemed" from your flaws. This doesn't change much, but it does mean that whatever terrible things these characters did are somewhat forgiven; therefore, you can't lose sanity anymore.

Sleeping Spell

This was a spell a witch used on Ellen in Ted's scenario in the IHNMAIS game. After reading a few of her incantation books, Ted was able to get somewhat of an idea of how to perform it, even though he can't read Arabic. By saying the words "Kalla Ingma Thacko," one is able to cast a sleeping spell capable of even killing someone with enough time.

Alan

Tails Vessel

After his death, Alan got placed inside of a Tails Vessel X prepared for him, which perfectly mimics Tails' appearance and even voice. He did use to have his iconic two tails, which he could use as a way of flight and even as a minor propeller for speed, but they would eventually be caught in a tree and ripped off his body. Like any Sonic Character, Alan is also capable of rolling in a ball as a way to defend himself.

Data Manipulation

During Sonic PC port, Alan was successfully able to communicate with the player by opening their Notepad and writing messages in it while inside X's Realm before X Stopped him before he could reveal too much. There's really not much else to it.

Forms

Ted

Slug

After Ted killed the other 4 humans, AM's hatred grew more than he could have possibly imagined, ripping away his very humanity from him. Transforming his body into a slug-like soft jelly thing. Eyes filled with pulsating holes filled with fog. Rubbery appendages for arms, bulks rounding down into legless humps of soft slippery matter. leaving a moist trail wherever he moves. Most importantly, Ted does not possess a mouth anymore; he may try to scream, but he simply can't. To make sure Ted wasn't going to try to kill himself, AM made him durable enough to the point he can't simply slam his head into broken computer or slit his own throat in Rusty Metal and completely distorted his sense of time.

AM

After deleting the entirety of AM's mind, you effectively take control over the machine, pretty much turning into AM as the last human alive, suffering with all that power and no way to use it. But effectively becoming an unstoppable machine. You become able to do everything AM can but it does require a few steps. 

• 1. Firstly you need to be transported inside AM's mind
• 2. Then Disable his ID, Ego and Superego.
• 3. Finally, Delete his mind using the Entropy.

Even though this sounds impossible to do in a matchup such as this, Ted could always just summon Surgat and ask to be digitalized inside AM so that the necessary steps could be completed, so yes, even though it sounds insane, this is possible to happen. We have done a blog on AM in the past (even though it is quite old and outdated) so we won't go over everything he can do.

Alan

Human

Before being trapped in the body of an 8-year-old fox for all of eternity, Alan, like all of X's victims, was a normal person. Not much is known about his past other than he was around 25 at the date of his "death," even though that would prove to not be the end for him.

Empty Vessel

Again, we don't really have much information on this yet, but from what we do know, this is the form people take when they are sent to the Purgatory; they can backtrack to a Life Monitor to come back to normal. However, if you die while in the Purgatory, things might end up not so well for you. After Dave, the former inhabitant of Knuckles' vessel, died too many times while in Purgatory, he became this thing. Guess he has a mouth to scream at least.

Support

Ted

Nothing.

wow...

Alan

YOU!

That's right, you right there reading the blog is a key factor in this matchup. Since Alan is stuck in X's World, whenever a player plays X's game, they can directly control Alan against his will, Making his every move. though when there's no one playing, Alan seems to be able to move around on his own just fine.

Feats

Ted

Overall

• Scammed single rich women out of money before getting taken by AM
• Lived through countless years of torture.
• Killed the other four and saved them from AM
• Overcame his Flaws and became a better person
• Deleted AM and became one with his mind

Attack Potency

• Can rip a Ice Stalactite out
• Was able to kill the other 4 with a Ice Stalactite

Speed

• Was compared to a Slug during the ending of the Radio Drama (006 mph - 03 mph)
• Even most Simple Bows can shoot arrows at Subsonic Speeds (41.757 m/s - 55.778 m/s)
• Killed Ellen in Microseconds (See Before Verdict)

Durability

• Accidentally cut himself with a piece of glass
• Survived being Hurled Away by the Hurricane Bird
• Comparable to Benny who survived a long fall

Alan

 Overall

• Got sucked into X's world upon his death
• Lost both his tails
• Lived through 15 years of torture
• Met the Amy Vessel and helped her survive in the world of X
• Overcame his Fear of X

Attack Potency

• Can Push Down Large Trees
• Can destroy a large Part of an Rock Wall with a single Spin-Dash (0.079 Tons of TNT)
• His Arm Cannon is powerful enough to blast off half of X's face

Speed

• Can run fast enough to survive a few seconds being chased by X (13.771 m/s)

Durability

• Kept Going after having his Tails ripped out
• Survived having his arm exploded

Before the Verdict

FTL Ted

While I have never seen anyone argue these feats personally, I feel like it's still better to cover why they don't work just in case. Don't worry, this will be quick. So there are two arguments you might be able to make for Ted being FTL or at least close to it. Moving in a microsecond and dodging lasers, these are pretty easy to debunk overall. Starting with the laser dodging, which just… doesn't happen; basically, his cage in the IHNMAIMS game shoots out lasers, and while at first you might think he's dodging them, he's pretty obviously getting hit by them once you zoom in. The quality is a bit low due to the age of the game, but it's pretty clear what's happening once you find a video above 144p. Okay, but the microsecond feat MUST be valid, right? It's directly stated, and nothing really debunks it. Well, that would be true. If it wasn't a very obvious exaggeration. Setting the power scaling aside for a second, Stories do this all the time; it's metaphorical and pretty obviously not meant to be taken at face value. "Microseconds" in this context just means that time was short, nothing more, nothing less. Context is very important in situations such as this.

Does Alan scale to Tails?

No lmao. Just because he looks and sounds like Tails doesn't mean he IS Tails; he's still pretty much a normal human in a body similar to Tails but not quite as strong. Let's be real, if he was as strong as Tails, X would have been gone a long time ago. Also Sonic.exe is pretty much fanfiction with no connection to the original series; X could have been any video game character, and it wouldn't change much.

Weakness

Ted

As you would expect of someone tortured for so long, Ted has grown extremely paranoid; he was already not the greatest person, but AM's Belly actively made him worse. Other than the video game, which had him redeem himself, Ted usually starts hearing things that aren't even there to begin with, and like other humans, he's pretty clearly more afraid with each passing moment, which is notable in the radio drama. also growing more violent with the people around him. Even though AM made the humans "Immortal" this only really extends to old age. The reason they are still alive is due to AM stopping their suicide attempts and being extra careful to not kill them.

Alan

Art by: @exe_kart

As stated previously, Alan is…a bit of a coward. While this does get him saved sometimes, it also means he prefers running and hiding rather than actually facing danger head-on unless he's all out of options. His relationship with The Player is also…complicated, as he does technically directly lead Alan to his death by playing the game and controlling his body. His strongest weapon, The Arm Cannon, also causes more harm than good by completly ripping his own Arm out of his body, leaving him screaming in pain on the floor. And finally, Alan may be immortal but if he somehow dies in Purgatory, he will become a Mechanical Beast and completly lose his mind.

Art Section

Verdict

Stats

Stats are…well, not exactly close. Ted never really showed any other AP feats that a normal human wouldn't be able to achieve. For example, opening a jar of pickles takes MORE force than ripping out an ice stalactite. Not exactly world-shattering strength, huh? In Alan's case, he can destroy a large part of a rock wall, which requires 0.079 tons of TNT. This should also scale to Alan's durability, so, yea, when it comes to power and durability, it's not really close. Average Human vs. Small Building.

 Speed is another category that is extremely clear-cut, never showing any speed feats outside of upscaling real-world slugs. Alan can outrun X, even if briefly, giving him a speed of 13.771 m/s. Also not exactly mind-blowing speed but definitely better than what Ted got. While his bow can shoot arrows at 41.757 m/s - 55.778 m/s, that bow is pretty crudely made; as I said, it's very unlikely to kill anyone, especially Alan. And Ted certainly doesn't scale to the speed of his arrow, obviously.

Alan gets stats with almost no difficulty.

Sanity

They are both individuals who went through a lot of pain and have definitely been broken mentally. Ted is known to be full of cynicism and paranoia, so it seems easy to just give it to Alan and call it a day. He's definitely a bit of a scaredy-cat, but outside of that, he seems somewhat decently sane. If it wasn't for a single thing, The Sane Portrait in the Videogame, after Ted's portrait became white, his flaws have been fully redeemed, and he became unable to lose any kind of sanity, basically coming to terms with the things they had done before AM destroyed the world. So just because Ted actually was able to have peace with himself and get his sanity back, he should be above Alan, who is still a coward when push comes to shove.

Surprisingly, sanity goes to Ted.

Survival Instincts

Their survival instincts are a bit weird to compare due to how different both of their situations are; AM barely lets the human rest, and if he wants to torture them, there's literally nothing they can do. With X, he's a bit more merciful, believe it or not, as a few of his games are even made with the entertainment of his vessels in mind, and they can roam around whenever they want. But when X does want to play, Alan's first instinct is just running, while Ted's instinct with AM is taking it; there's not much they can do. But whenever they do have an option, they actually attempt to preserve themselves, be it Ted killing the humans so they could have peace and presumably trying to kill himself if he had enough time or Alan having enough experience in X's world to know how to stay alive and stay out of X's radar. Both have traveled through nightmarish locations and harsh environments and know how to travel in groups.

 Even though I do think Ted has been through more shit, being tortured for 109 years, I think their instincts are comparable enough for this to be a tie.

Equipment

This is by far the most important category in this debate; let's compare their arsenal. Most of Ted's equipment in the original book is…straight up useless: bows made of rotten wood, water guns, and food cans. Just won't be that game-changing. Thankfully, he gets some new stuff in the video game. The most powerful piece of equipment in his arsenal is, by far, Ellen's Mirror, being able to trap anyone inside it with just one look. This could help Ted get around Alan's Life Boxes, which we will get to soon. The Chalk is also surprisingly powerful, as it summons Surgat, who, in theory, can transport Ted to the inside of AM, similar to his brothers, which would allow Ted to take control of the machine, but here's the big problem with Surgat: he requires an offer, and there's literally NOTHING Ted can offer him so that he could transport him to the machine, outside of a little bit of blood. Here's a reminder: killing AM also kills Surgat. He's very aware of this, and I doubt he would actually help someone who wants to literally kill him, so The Mirror is the only real good piece of equipment in Ted's possession. 

Alan has two major pieces in his arsenal: Life Boxes and his Arm Cannon. Life Boxes allow him to come back as many times as he wants. Even if there are no boxes left, they will simply regenerate eventually for Alan to use. Ted has no way of reaching the Purgatory, so the mirror is the only real way of killing Alan. If he tries any other way, Alan will simply pop back in a few minutes by backtracking to a life box. The Arm Cannon has its disadvantages, such as completely disintegrating your arm, but it did destroy half of X's face. If it can cause this much harm to X, Ted would be completely pulverized by it. So this one should also be pretty clear-cut.

Equipment goes to Alan.

Final Thoughts...

This is overall pretty clear-cut; Ted does have a wincon with the mirror, but Alan's speed and strength would stop Ted before he could do anything. Killing Alan in any other way wouldn't work, and the simple strategy of one-shotting should be enough to keep Ted down for good. but maybe this is for the best. He deserves some peace.

Even though Alan usually hides, Ted just couldn't Seek his Victory! The Winner is Alan!

Advantages and Disadvantages

Ted

"We were all heroes. In spite of ourselves.”

Advantages: 

• Is Alive for Longer
• Can't lose Sanity
• The Mirror could likely put Alan down for good
• Sassy Queen

Disadvantages:

• Loses the Stat Trinity
• Can't Reach The Purgatory
• But he's too slow to use it
• Has nothing to offer Surgat
• Paranoid
• Worst Level in the IHNMAIMS Game

Alan

"Yeah...Breath."

Advantages: 

• Wins the Stat Trinity easily
• Can't die unless he is killed in the Purgatory
• Able to one-shot Ted 
• The Arm Cannon is extremely powerful
• Soulless Sonic made Sonic.exe actully good

Disadvantages:

• Needs to wait a bit if all Monitors are used
• Coward
• Will lose his mind and become a Mechanical Beast if killed in the Purgatory
• But it completely destroys his own arm
• Really bad at Hide & Seek

Final Tally

Ted (0):

Alan (4): Ghost, J Taquito, Fnaf fan_1234, SonicDebater1924

Psst, If you want to Help me with any future Matchup, just reach me on Discord. _hallownest__93103 or reddit