(BONUS BLOG) The Childhood Slasher Battle Royale

"It's sick and twisted and violent. Other than that it is totally G rated." - Elizabeth Cruickshank

Pooh, Second in Command of the Crossbreeds!

The Mean One, The Green Devil of Newville!

Screamboat Willie, The Demonic Rodent!

Popeye, The Slayer Man!

For a while now, horror movies of questionable quality based on kids' characters have been insanely popular, mostly due to how many characters are going into the public domain and how popular the mascot horror genre gets with each day. Whatever the reason is, there's definitely a certain charm with watching these characters brutally killing people; they aren't good, but they are definitely fun. But we aren't going over the best movie; we are going over the strongest slasher, but who will it be? TIME TO FIND OUT!

Before We Start…
These characters have been in very little media due to being fairly recent, so we will simply composite them with everything they have ever appeared in. From Ads to Posters to tie-in storybooks. This also includes, of course, the first Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey, which did get a soft retcon, but the events that play out in that movie did still happen even if not 100% accurate. This is an April Fools Blog (if I'm able to get it out by then) so don't take this too seriously.

Now, where this battle will be taking place is very important to some of these characters, especially Popeye, who can't leave his factory. So here's what I think. It will take place in a forest similar to Pooh's and Mean One's habitat that also features both Popeye's Factory and Screamboat's Boat in a Dock close to it. That way, they can all be in their natural habitat while playing the game of cat and mouse they have done with their victims so often. We Originally Planned on Allowing Support and making this an army fight, before realizing how unfair this would be due to the fact only Pooh has decent Support here. Screamboat has a Normal Human who he doesn't even like and Popeye and The Mean One have no one, so this will be a simple 1v1v1v1.

WARNING, BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING ANYONE SENSIBLE TO GORE SHOULD KNOW: THIS BLOG WILL BE EXTREMELY VIOLENT AND FULL OF GORE, WITH SOME OF THE SCANS AND IMAGES SHOWING ACTUAL BRUTAL KILLS, IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THIS KIND OF STUFF, MAYBE SKIP THIS.

Pooh
Used:
  • Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 
  • Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2 
  • Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare
  • Bambi: The Reckoning 
  • Winnie-the-Pooh: Honey is Thicker Than Blood 
  • Winnie-the-Pooh: The Sticky Story of a Bloody Pooh 
  • Posters
The Mean One
Used:
  • The Mean One 
  • Promotional Ads 
  • Posters
Screamboat Willie
Used:
  • Screamboat 
  • Posters 
Popeye:
Used:
  • Popeye the Slayer Man 
  • Sailor to Slayer Music Video 
Background
Pooh
Once Upon a Time... There were two brothers. They had everything they could ever want, but as always, tragedy comes in the most unexpected of times. During one of their birthday parties, the twins ran into the Hundred Acre Woods to play. They would have fun in the woods alone, but while one of them was kept at bay. The other, Billy, was taken away and Experimented on alongside other children. Becoming hybrid abominations who hided in the woods after coming back from their Doctor's attempt to kill them before they could kill him.  

They stuck together with each other, taking new names, as that was all they had. each other. Their friendship was strong, but one day a certain boy would wander off in their group. One day, while exploring the woods, Christopher came across Pooh and his friends. Unaware of their true identity. The Bear and Chris were the bestest friends but one day, he had to go away, leaving them alone and forcing them to eat one of their own as the winter hit. 

Upon regaining their senses, they realized who was to blame. Humanity, the ones who experimented on them. Humanity, the ones who left them, humanity, the ones who did this. Christopher would return one day but Pooh, oh, Pooh was not the same. He tortured him for days on end, and during those days he made sure to leave bodies wherever he went. Chris was able to escape, but his life was never the same. He needed to find out how this ended, so he went after the truth, discovering who Pooh really was. Unfortunately, he was too far gone and getting axed was the only option to stop the Bear. As Christopher killed his own brother, oh bother. At least it was over...or was it...?

The Mean One
Once Upon a Time...in a small town, the folks loved Christmas. Each Christmas Night they would wait for Santa Claus to grant them with wonderful gifts, but one night would change the You-Know-Who Family Forever. The Clever Cindy stepped down the stairs ready to see Santa, but what she saw was horrifying, a monster...a Grinch, stealing her presents. The next events would change her life, as her mom realized what was in the room was not Santy Claus. She tried to defend her daughter, but after a fight was killed, Cindy was traumatized and shouted at the Creature, who wandered off into the night.

20 years later, Cindy and her Dad came back, ready to confront the past, but that same night, the same creature would take her father. Cindy was taken to a hospital. People believed she was crazy, or at least, that's what they wanted her to think, as all this was a cover-up for the town's sinister history. Cindy tried to make the best of it, but later that week the same creature would appear to kill a group of tourists. No doubt about it, she wasn't crazy. But as much as she tried to reveal the truth, The Town kept covering it all up. With body after body falling in the red snow, Cindy had the front row to watch the creature run around.

But she would soon meet a man who had suffered a similar tragedy. He also knew the truth and wanted to help her reveal it, revealing the real reason The Mean One Killed. It Hated Christmas, more than anyone, going after any person who dared to do anything related to the holiday. Slashing and poking holes, day after day. Cindy had to kill it, or else it would come back. Again and again, the mastermind behind the cover-up, the Sheriff, would confess. Due to his fear, he fed the monster, but no more. He tried to go after it, but it was no use. Fortunately, Cindy had a trap set for the beast, an enormous Christmas House full of beautiful lights. He would come one way or another and only one of them would come out of this, while the other would be dug in their grave. After a long fight, Cindy realized it all. The beast was deeply hurt, it was not always evil. Upon being called a monster due to its accidental first kill, it took that role. Wearing the mask they always thought he truly was. With a kiss, Cindy showed the beast compassion. His heart grew and grew until it exploded. The Beast was dead. Its popularity grew, as an urban legend, but it grew, still. it was still dead and peace would soon return, so at least it was over...or was it...?

Screamboat Willie
Once Upon a Time... There was a Captain and his Mouse. The Captain found the mouse deep in the boat, scared and afraid. The Mouse was used in multiple tests and experiments which made him more human-like by a mad scientist. Before being saved by the captain, he would also find another mouse, a girl version which the mouse seemed to love. They were happy, Walt would gladly let The Mouses pilot the ship. They were like a wonderful family but one day, a storm would take away the people the Mouse loved the most. So he hid away in the Boat, and people believed he was a simple urban legend, but Screamboat was full of hatred, he awaited a new group of passengers, and now the fun would begin.

While killing one of the staff, Selena would witness the rodent, and he would soon fall in love with her. She reminded him of his love and he needed her to fill that hole in his chest, so he tore and ripped passengers apart during the night, even killing a whole room at once until only a small group was left, and he made sure they couldn't escape as he killed the captain and redirected the boat off its destination. But their damnation was just beginning. Selena's love would drown in an attempt to kill the mouse, but that was all but useless.

They would eventually meet an old man who explained what the mouse wanted, its love back. Now aware of what to do, Selena dressed up like his love, distracting him as a Mallet slammed down into his head. Confused and dizzy, the mouse stumbled back, allowing him to be stabbed in the eye by one of the staff, falling into the water and finally, dying, now safe and sound, the surviving passengers go home to their family. The Lab Rat finally met his end...or was it...?

Popeye
Once Upon a Time...there was a sailor who sailed in the Deep Blue Sea. He was happy. Had a Wife and Kids. A stable job. Sadly, this story will soon be one to Sob. As a contamination broke out, he lost it all. Leaving him a Ghost in the fall of the company. Soon Becoming an Urban Legend, Lurking around the halls of this hell. One day, a group of students decided to attempt a documentary. Little did they know what they were getting into, would spell out their deaths. One stayed behind to link video cameras, the others stepped forward. But the first one to be slaughtered would come soon after.

Dexter and Olivia, Two of the Victims. would soon find a report file, a fact which was concealed from the public, A fact about the neglect the company had, which was responsible for all this mess. Rejoining with two others, they would continue their exploration. Another victim would come running at the jealous one, who believed he could stop the Sailor Man. Sadly, he had other plans...

Body after body would drop until they were all aware of his presence, Dexter and Olivia found his quarters and discovered his addiction to the tainted food, which made him what he is. the photo of his wife and child, and a newspaper clipping about someone named Olive Oil, who had attempted to expose the contamination story but would eventually be silenced. There was no doubt about it. This story needed to go to the public. Dexter and Olivia found the exit, but so did the Sailor Man. Olivia then reveals herself to be The Sailor's Man's Daughter to the shock of all, begging him to stop. It seemed to be working, until the jealous one ruined it all with the sound of a gunshot. The Sailor Man lets Dexter and Olivia go, but Joey? His fate was truly a gruesome one to tell in tales. They swore that one day, they would bring freedom to the sailor, no matter what it takes. At least it was finally over, for now. ... Or was it...?

Experience And Skill
Pooh
Overall Experience and Skill
Even Before being Discovered by Christopher, Pooh and the rest of the gang were able to fend for themselves for quite a while. Even after Chris left, Pooh was able to use his survival instincts to live no matter what even if that meant eating his friends in a time of despair. As they became more and more vengeful, more and more people started to go missing. It's implied by the opening of the first movie that there was a huge number of people killed by Pooh even before the events of the movie. And being responsible for the 100 Acre Massacre in the first movie.

Due to reverting to a more animalistic side, Pooh and his friends became way more feral, often eating their victims in gruesome ways to not let them go to waste and he seems surprisingly experienced in fighting, even knowing Karate for whatever reason, like, he's constantly breaking bones by karate chopping dudes. And seems to be capable of using most weapons with precision as a whole, such as the scene where he decapitated a woman with a bear trap, pulled her head closer with a chain and blew it up midair with a bat.

Stealth
Though the Moments of Stealth are surprisingly not that frequent, there are a couple instances of it, believe it or not. Such as the scene in the first movie where Pooh and Piglet were able to sneak and kill a woman in a bathtub without being noticed even though she already knew of their presence, though that just might be the horror characters being kinda stupid. In Another Case of Stealth, Pooh was shown utilizing the Dark for his own advantage, catching a cop in a dark house before she even knew he was there to begin with.

Torture
Pooh is, BY FAR, the most Sadistic Person in this Battle Royale. In certain cases he was shown to kill people quickly, but in most cases, he mostly enjoys torturing them slowly and finding painful ways to kill his victims. He Kept Christopher Robin Locked up in a Cabin for most of the first movie, constantly breaking him physically and psychologically to get his get back to the point where he was completely and utterly broken after being let out. He did something similar to one of the girls, chaining her up and torturing her and by the time she got out, she was full of blood and ripped skin. In some cases, Pooh Cracks already Mangled Bones so that he can cause even more pain onto humans, even if he doesn't know them and makes sure almost no one has a quick death.

The Mean One
Overall Experience and Skill
The Mean One is. interesting when it comes to how he fights. He's usually quick with his attacks, slashing and dashing people in mere moments. He also really likes to use any object he can find to bash or slash people. Even the most harmless of things can be a deadly weapon in his hands. When in Danger, The Mean One is quick to get out of it, not afraid to run away or retreat when damaged, focusing on other people who are of higher priority before going after those who damaged him.

Stealth
With the whole "Stealing Christmas" theme, it is no surprise The Mean One is very slippery and capable of getting people when they least expect it, such as when he puts out the fire in Cindy's father's fireplace so that he will be able to get him in the dark without being noticed. His way of moving is very similar to Jim Carrey Grinch, so he's pretty agile and cartoons with his movements, even doing the classic Grinch Tip-toeing sometimes.

Animalistic Instincts
In a way, The Mean One acts like a Bull of some kind, but instead of the movement of the cape agitating the Bull, it's anything associated with Christmas. Seeing anything Christmas related agitates The Mean One and makes him immediately go for the kill, not stopping until whatever Christmas decoration or costume or song is gone. This isn't the only way he's similar to an animal, as when hungry, the mean one will haunt smaller things and devour them in one bite, such as what happened to this poor goat.

Screamboat Willie
Overall Experience and Skill
Screamboat has been alive for quite a long time, hiding away in the deepest parts of the boat while never being detected. He's very skilled when it comes to sheer improvisation, which makes up for his size. Such as after realizing a armed man acidentally spilled oil on the ground, he took the opportunity to torch him ablaze before he coule be shot. Even when outnumbered by a crowd of people, as soon as he realized he could use objects around him to fry them all, he took the opportunity immediately. He also seemed to have experience when it comes to piloting boats, which, duh, is a Steamboat Willie Movie. He also seems to like playing a lot with his prey in general, often doing silly things such as giving them the wrong tool before killing them.

Stealth
Rats are sneaky by nature, and Screamboat is no different. The little bastard comes out when you least expect it, usually hiding away in the dark of the room and using his size in order to watch from afar in places you wouldn't think of looking at in the first place or to sneak up behind you.

Torture
Screamboat is made by the same people who brought Art the Clown into this world, so it really isn't a surprise. He loves taking his time with his kills and dragging them on for as long as possible, be it drowning their head in water while a boat is moving or dragging on a decapitation on purpose.

Whistling
One of Screamboat's favorite ways of confusing and attracting his prey is by whistling, which he's surprisingly good at. I mean, you have to admit, he might be an insane mouse who constantly murders anyone he sees, but he's got talent.

Popeye
Overall Experience and Skill
Before even becoming a killer, Popeye was, very obviously, a sailor. But he was also shown to have a somewhat decent career when it came to boxing, which might explain his fighting skills. Being able to catch punches and counter them accordingly. Popeye has even been stated to be able to fight 10 whole men at once, which, while only a rumor, I wouldn't really doubt it to be the truth. Neck snapping and head crushing seem to be his personal favorite way of killing, mixing those ways of putting people down alongside his boxing skills. He's pretty great when it comes to stalking people in the dark and when someone does inconvenience him, he takes no time in taking care of business. Popeye has been stuck stuck in that factory for over 20 years, surviving all of it by eating only radioactive spinach and has likely decorated the layout of it.

Equipment
Pooh
Axe
Even though we see Pooh Wielding an Axe pretty often in Promotional pieces, we actually don't see Pooh use it much in the movie. That's clickbait if I have ever seen one.

Kitchen Knife
Like any good self-respecting slasher villain, Pooh has used the bread and butter of the horror movie, a kitchen knife; he used this to slit Maria's throat during the end of the first movie and brutally stab her dead body instead of going after Chris.

Mallet
Pooh Chased Down a Woman with this Mallet in hand, with the full intention of smashing her skull in, however he never got to truly kill her. With the Mallet, that is, she does die later.

Machete
At first, Pooh used a Machete to stab Alice through the mouth, leaving her dead body pinned, and some time later in the movie, Pooh used a Machete once again to Slit Logan's Throat.

Eeyore's Tail
After reliving the memories of better days and wrecking his room in a fit of a rage due to Chirs abandoning them, Pooh had to make him pay for lying about staying in a more personal way, grabbing the tail of their deceased friend, Eeyore and whipping Chirs with it, making him remember what he was responsible for.

Chainsaw
Oh Now, We are Talking! Weirdly enough, he doesn't really kill anyone with it. In fact, he himself gets killed a few moments later. Though it doesn't make this Chainsaw any less cool. He used it in his last duel with Chris. He was getting beaten up by a large piece of wood a lot, so Pooh had the unironically really smart idea of setting the chainsaw on fire. In this state, it can not only rip through body parts but completely burn them while doing so. Sadly, he ended up getting distracted by his own memories and dropping the chainsaw, leaving himself open for an attack.

Bear Trap
The Bear Character using Bear traps? Ain't that something! Pooh is pretty sadistic when it comes to these. At the very opening of the second movie, he set one of these up on the ground and slammed the feet of a woman he had already caught in it so that it could be even more painful. Pulling her through the dirt with the chain of the bear trap. And then proceed to slam her face into it after breaking all her limbs. He also has a Bear Trap Connected to a Chain which he can use at long distances, grabbing people's body parts Scorpion style and pulling them closer to himself.

Baseball Bat
After decapitating someone with his Chained Bear Trap, Pooh pulled them closer to himself, blowing her head up after slamming a baseball bat on them. Later on in the movie, he used it to kill two women in a single swipe.

Woodchipper
Pooh used this to kill his very first on-screen victim in the first movie, shoving her head first into it until her whole body was gone and in its place there was a mess of different bits of meat.

Drill
Pooh was attempting to have his meal, but this girl didn't really like the idea of having her friend cooked alive by a giant yellow bear, so he did what any sane murderous bear would do and drilled a hole right through her skull, making her fall on the table.

Saw
After Said Woman from the last section fell, Pooh started cutting her head off with a saw, slowly but surely decapitating her.

Severed Arm
Need a hand pal? This was the severed arm of a police officer who Pooh teared off and just started beating them up with their own arm. Hey, stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself!

Shower
a Shower which rains down the blood of Chris' Dead Girlfriend on his face. This was used as one of the many forms of torture Pooh did to Christopher Robin, one that, for sure, made deep scars in Christopher's mind.

2006 BMW 3 Touring
"DRIVING IN MY CAR, RIGHT AFTER A BEER 🗣🔥🔥🔥" This was used to run over the head of a woman they had kidnapped, granting her a slow and painful death. Now how does Pooh know how to drive one of these or where he got it? I'm not really sure lmao

Honey
Pooh might be a murderous monster, but the guy still loves honey. He keeps a few bottles of these around, usually using them as some kind of sauce before munching down on his victims or just drinking it by himself. Honey can also be used as a way to not only regenerate entire body parts but to fully come back to life without even the need to drink it, as simple contact seems to already do the trick.

Knife Drawer
Before Chris's Mom could grab something to defend herself, Pooh was able to somehow get into the house, slamming her head first into multiple knives and forks and causing multiple wounds on her body before slowly slamming her again into it, killing her.

Furnace
This was used to Cook a Woman Alive. Pooh seemed to like them well-roasted however since after realizing she was locked, he decided to put the heat on the max.

Rope
Pooh and Piglet used ropes a few times to tie people up in the movies, but it's way more clear as to what the rope looks like in the book rather than the dark florest the movie takes place in, after killing his girlfriend. Pooh and Piglet decided to tie Chirs up so that they could torture him later instead of simply killing him now.

The Mean One
Santy Calus Outfit
Doesn't like Christmas and yet his main outfit consists of a Santa Claus suit. What a fucking hypocrite!

Icicle
During Santacon (yes, that's a real event), one of the Santas got stabbed in the neck by one of these inside a freezer in an off-screen kill.

Candy Cane
Used to massacre a room of SantaCon Santas in style, pulling them by their neck with the cane and beating them to death with it or simply stabbing right through their torso. He also used this to stab through Cindy's dad's face and directly stab his eye out through the door.

Bottle
This was smashed right into a SantaCon's Santa Head Bar Fight style.

Spike
After knocking a guy out on Glass, The Mean One gently pushed this close to him and slammed his head on it, auchie.

Christmas Lights
Used to wrap around the neck of one of his victims and pulled for a quick neck snap! The Mean One has also used these Christmas Lights in a promotional ad to tie up an employee of Horror Vibes Coffee so that he could make his favorite drink.

Meat Grinder
The Mean One Threw a Girl straight into a meat grinder after slamming her into multiple bottles, mixing her into fine, grinded meat.

Cleaver
This was used to Cleave Don Apart, which the Mean One then wrapped in a nice Christmas Gift. I suppose it is still better than socks if you ignore the Human Limbs parts. The Mean One has also been shown with a Cleaver in the main poster for the movie.

Stickers
The Mayor spent the whole movie giving these off, but this was ironically her end, as The Mean One choked her by wrapping it around her neck and brought her to her demise.

Car Trunk
The Mean One Used this to decapitate Mayor Maggie after it was slammed on her neck multiple times.

Ribbons
These were stuffed into Stephanie's eye sockets, and she quickly had her neck eaten by The Mean One.

Coffee Maker
The Mean One Knocked out an Employee of Horror Vibes Coffee in a promotional Ad with this, pretty much using the first thing he could find to put her to sleep quickly.

Christmas Sock
This was used to gag an employee of Horror Vibes Coffee after the Mean One had tied her up. She was already dead, so I'm not sure why he would do this when she couldn't exactly even alert anyone.

Bear Trap
This was put as a trap for Detective Burke, which he stepped right into like a dumbass.

Flower Bouquet
It isn't Deodorant, but it will have to do. God knows he needs it.

Mistletoe
Pucker up!

Napkins
You've got to clean yourself up after eating someone, of course!

Santa Necklace
a Gift from Cindy that the Mean One kept close to him at all times, even after becoming a killer, there was a clear bit of Humanity left under all that Bloody Green Flesh, something to remember who he used to be.

The Bean One
The Mean One's Favorite Frozen Drink! This drink is stated to be filled with literal fear inside it, whatever that means, and he wanted to taste it so much to the point he traveled to California on foot, And instead of buying it like a normal person, he knocked out the employees and made it himself.

Screamboat Willie
Staten Boat
While allowing this is a bit debatable for sure, Screamboat has been shown piloting the ship in a few scenes, and he's the one responsible for redirecting the boat off course, and in a few animated flashbacks, he's directly shown being allowed to pilot the ship back in his kindhearted days, so he should have experience with the actual boat. It's basically his territory; he knows it like the back of his hand. Which makes it easy to pick off prey.

Wrench
During the first couple minutes of the movie, Screamboat threw this directly into a woman's face.

Liberty Torch
Screamboat used this to stab through a guy's head, it even lights up after the kill. Never thought you could kill someone with too much liberty, but here we are.

Hammer
Screamboat used this to mercilessly beat a Guard to death. It's always insane how much blood comes out in a single strike.

Metal Wire
Screamboat decapitated the captain of the ship with this... it took a bit, sure, I mean, it took a lot of time; even he seemed a bit impatient, but his head eventually came right off.

 Broom
Screamboat stabbed a guy through the throat using a broom. You know, why is it always the throat with these guys?

Water Hose
When a crowd of people wanted to beat his ass, Screamboat hosed everyone with this. I don't think people realize how powerful these hoses are; they can cause some real damage if used inappropriately, or appropriately in Screamboat's case.

Fuse Box
After Hosing Everyone, Screamboat noticed a fuse box and the rest is history. Everyone went Zappy Zap and got absolutely fried.

Machete
Screamboat used this to...uh, chop off a man's dick, which sounds extremely painful, but at least the guy died quickly. It's better than you can say for 90% of the people here... ew.

Kitchen Knife
In The Early Posters of Screamboat, Screamboat is shown wielding a kitchen knife. Whether these were only promotional shots or if he was actually supposed to wield it in the movie is currently unknown.

Harpoon
Screamboat Impaled Cindy using this harpoon through a door when she thought she was safe at last, though i really have no idea why she just leaned into the door instead of running away, Horror Movie logic i guess.

Screwdriver
Screamboat used this to kill a guy off-screen after he had his face completely melted by the vapor traveling from the pipes.

Blowtorch
After someone shot Barrels of Oil like an idiot, Screamboat took the opportunity to light up the place and lit him on fire by igniting the highly flammable oil.

Forklift
He's Forklift certified! He used this to kill two girls, impaling them.

TV
Screamboat Pushed this directly into the head of a man after fucking with him for a while and giving him the wrong tools he asked for. He even did a lil dance. He's so silly.

Steam Pipes
While looking for the mouse, someone had the brilliant idea of looking in the steam pipes after Screamboat attracted them to it, which melted half of their face off after being exposed to it multiple times, making him easy picking for the mouse.

Pictures Sign
Glad to see Screamboat opening a business. This one will go far!

Ear Bouquet
Um...at least he's trying? I suppose?

Popeye 
Spinach Factory
The Main setting of the movie and where Popeye resides, closed down 20 years ago due to a deadly Contamination that was covered up. It's his home, his pride and joy, forever lurking in these abandoned hallways, a maze of gross radioactive green leaves in a can. Looking for his next victim. It doesn't move, and it is just a building, but most of his equipment resides on it and its not like he can leave, so I suppose it's fair game.

Radioactive Spinach
Ah, what would be of Popeye if not for his trusty Spinach Can? One gulp of this and his strength skyrockets! With a slightly radioactive taste, but y'know, it adds flavor. Going from your average sailor to a superhuman skull-crushing monster, due to living in a Spinach Factory, he has a large supply of these around, its the only food he can eat at this point but its better than nothing. Along with the Spinach increasing your strength. It was also stated to grant glowing skin, but Popeye simply doesn't seem affected by this symptom, likely due to large exposure to the radiation. It mostly seems like he has built up some kind of resistance to its side effects. With that being said, spinach is still capable of messing with his brain, turning him more aggressive and bloodthirsty each time he consumes it.

Lighter
For whenever you need to light up your pipe for a quick smoke. This pic goes hard.

Pipe
Popeye's Charming pipe, used for making catchy jingles and sometimes, mostly in old cartoons, smoking. Sadly, there ain't no catchy jingles here, but when you smell pipesmoke, that's a sign The Sailor Man is near, so run as fast as you can.

Cameras
Throughout the factory, there are cameras Dexter put in to help them with their project that are connected to the computer. After noticing this, Popeye was able to locate Olivia by checking on the cameras at the computer. We never saw them taking down the cameras, so they are likely still there ready to be used.

Trash Compactor
Used to crush a woman with the simple press of a button, of course letting her bleed out wasn't enough. Popeye was pretty pissed off about her plans of destroying his factory after all.

Anchor
Popeye used this heavy-ass anchor to decapitate Terry on a dock. Guess he's going to be sleeping with the fishes tonight.

Powers and Abilities
Pooh
Crossbreeds Physiology
The Crossbreeds were once normal kids, with one of these kids being Christopher's brother, who would become Pooh. After being kidnapped, they would be experimented on with a combination of human and animal DNA, making them more violent with time. They still seemed somewhat human in certain things, such as walking on two legs but their bloodthirsty and animalistic tendencies were clear. They gained attributes of the animals mixed with them, such as flight for owl or, in Pooh's case, sharp claws and teeth and a strong sense of smell and hearing. 

As they grew up, they only got stronger, achieving feats of strength no normal human could, and surviving and being tolerant to high amounts of damage, mostly due to their increased bone density. Even being killed and buried won't keep them down, as their DNA allows them to be borderline immortal, coming back from most types of lethal damage with enough time. Regenerating entire body parts in a couple of of days, due to the axolotl DNA mixed within their blood.

Claws and Teeth
Due to being, y'know, fucking half-bear, Pooh Possesses Very Sharp Teeth. Which he uses to feed off the flesh of humans. Chewing their meat in his mouth, bears as a whole usually have a bite of between 975 and 1,200 PSI. Which should definitely speak volume to how much a bite of the Pooh Bear would hurt if he was trying to kill you. Pooh also possesses sharp claws used to dig through flesh. Being able to Massacre of a Room full of people in seconds with his claws, ripping their body parts apart like they were made of paper to the point where the only thing you could see was the blood splattering around. These claws can also be used for climbing, allowing him to hold onto moving vehicles and climb small trees.

Pain Tolerance
Pooh is a literal unmoving wall, even after getting brutally beaten by multiple armed men, smashed between two cars, slammed with a log and so much more, he simply stands unchanged like a mutant bear version of The Terminator.

Enhanced Senses
Pooh is not only a fearsome beast who you probably shouldn't mess with, but also perfect at hearing. All bears have good hearing, but Pooh's hearing is superior to the point he can surpass that of any normal bear. In the very first movie, he was capable of hearing the death of piglet from extremely far away while chasing a group of women even though they were both in completely different places, miles away from each other.

Teleportation
This is one of those cases of what people call "Slasher Teleportation." You know, your Jasons, your Michaels. One moment they are there, the other they disappear. Pooh can, seemingly, teleport within the flicker of lights through short distances. He doesn't use this much as useful as it could be, but it does explain how he keeps appearing in places he isn't supposed to. It's just Jason all over again. Either that or he really likes to just stay still to be spooky.

Bee Manipulation
Somehow, Pooh is able to control a swarm of bees and command them to kill a man, which probably makes getting both blood AND honey way easier, right?

Lightning Manipulation
It's Poohing' time.
Okay, so, yeah, this is an ability Pooh likely doesn't have. It is just a throwaway joke from a fictional movie inside another movie. But I did say that for completion purposes we are using the first movie too, even though that got soft-retconned, so it's not that out of nowhere to use this scene. Pooh can apparently create small bolts of lightning around his body and also say the best line in cinema history. Though this scene might have some truth in it, since the tie-in storybook, surprisingly, reveals "Poohing time" is an actual catchpharase Pooh says, weirdly enough, from time to time.

Technology Manipulation
Pooh Sheer Presence seems capable of making cameras break in a few minutes, as a camera who was strapped to a toy car simply stopped working when he walked onto the scene. We see later in the scene that he doesn't have any weapon with him, so it is very unlikely he destroyed the car.

The Mean One
Claws and Teeth
The Mean One possesses sharp, animal-like claws which can cause lethal damage to a man in a single swipe, and cause multiple deep wounds in someone, up to even cutting a woman clean in half. It also possesses teeth which can sink into human skin and devour human's flesh like a watermelon. His teeth, in particular, do need some brushing when you take a closer look.

Pain Tolerance
During the ending of the movie, The Mean One went through a whole gauntlet of being beaten to a pulp. Baseball Bats to the Skull, Stepping on Bear Traps, Gunshot, Grenades Explosions to the face, and yet he keeps coming back.

Enhanced Senses
The Mean One is capable of hearing things far away in his mountain perfectly and act on stopping them if they are related to Christmas. The Entire Town seems to have stopped celebrating Christmas due to the fact that The Mean One is always hearing no matter what and WILL go after you if he hears the sounds of Chirstmas jingles or Christmas songs.

Body Control
Now, a Grinch Horror Movie simply would not be the same without a bit of Jim Carrey Sprinkled in. He's the best Grinch after all, and no, this is not up for debate. The Mean One is extremely flexible, being fine with cracking his Head to the left and to the right with his hands in positions that would break the neck of any normal human.

Teleportation
Once again, we have a slasher with arguments for teleportation, how original. But this one is pretty clear-cut. He's constantly appearing in places he would have no way of getting into without being noticed, and he completely vanished the second a shotgun was pointed at him. If he just ran away, Cindy would probably have shot him, but even she is very confused as to where he went. To top it all, he can travel long distances and catch doc by surprise while being supposed to be in the house trap.

Supernatural Presence
The Mean One's sheer presence seems to affect Light Sources. Fireplaces go dark the second he's in the room and lights start to flicker when he's close. With Lights which are turned on, will immediately turn off the moment he's close to the room.Which allows the Mean One to play on the field he's the best at, in the dark.

Resurrection
So, The Mean One dies at the ending of the movie by having his heart blown up, but during the very last scene, as the screen fades to black, the Mean One is heard bellowing. This is further supported by the narrator saying, "They lived Happily ever after...until the next year." Now, yes, this is likely just sequel bait in case they make another one, leaving it open-ended. But we have seen The Mean One appear in other stuff since then such as The Coffee ad, so there's a very high chance he can come back to life. Though it does seem to take a while, so it's hard to consider it really that useful in this fight.

Screamboat Willie
Teeth
Mouses normally have tiny, razor-sharp teeth, but not in most cases. It's not exactly something that will cause much harm to normal people. Screamboat, on the other hand, has a bite strong enough to rip a man's nose off his face.

Small Size
While his size is a bit weird, with him sometimes being the size of an actual mouse and sometimes being closer to 3 feet tall, Screamboat is still a very tiny little dude, which does help him get people by surprise since the thing they least expect is a tiny mouse dude killing them.

Pain Tolerance

Enhanced Senses
He has been described as having really great hearing due to his big ass ears on his head. It isn't all talk and no bite, since he has shown to be able to hear people screaming on the other side of the room.

Popeye 
Pain Tolerance
Popeye does not show fear and neither does he show pain. Even after being stabbed by a knife or shot by a gun, he just stands there, never even showing a single sign of being hurt. Even pulling said knife out with no reaction. In another scene, he had no reaction to being shot outside of mild shock.

Teleportation
Hey look, it's your old friend! Slasher Teleportation, Third time is the charm, I suppose. This one is pretty much as clear as The Mean One's and Pooh's Teleportation. You can still make a lot of the same arguments you could for the others, as Popeye is constantly shown disappearing and appearing again as soon as people look away for a second.

Resistances
Pooh
Pain: Pooh rarely, if ever, actually shows damage. From being Crushed between Cars to being beaten Up by multiple armed people at once, The Bear stands his ground.

The Mean One
Pain: The Mean One doesn't take a lot of damage, but when he does, he seems genuinely unbothered by it, from gunshots to grenade explosions.

Fear Manipulation: The Mean One's favorite drink consists of a coffee with literal fear inside it.

Screamboat Willie

Popeye
Pain: Popeye has never shown any kind of pain, even after being stabbed in the torso with a knife or shot.

Radiation: Popeye lives off eating contaminated spinach, besides being disfigured and turned violent by it, he seems somewhat fine with eating it.

Feats
Pooh
Overall
  • Got Kidnapped as a Young Child
  • Was experimented on and became an Animal-Human Hybrid
  • Survived years alongside his friends
  • Reunited with Christopher Robin
  • Was Abandoned and Returned for revenge
  • Killed and tortured many people
Attack Potency
Speed
Durability
The Mean One
Screamboat Willie
Popeye 
Overall
  • Had a Happy Family once
  • Was a Successful Boxer
  • Got Mutated beyond Recognition
  • Lost his Family
  • Wandered in the halls of the factory for years
  • Got reunited with his daughter
Attack Potency
Speed
  • Can keep up with normal humans ig
Durability
Before the Verdict
Did Pooh actully Fight Mousetrap Mickey?
In the short Mickey vs Winne - Who Would Win? Made to promote The Mousetrap Movie, Mickey does exactly what the title says and fights Pooh, with the mask used in the short being the same as the one from Blood and Honey, so you would be forgiven to think this is canon to the Blood and Honey Universe, but there is one big problem with it that makes this short unusable for this blog. The People behind Blood and Honey...didn't actually have anything to do with it. Hell, it even pokes fun at their movie. Yeah, it might use Blood and Honey Pooh, but it's only him in design, which shouldn't be a surprise, since the mask in the first movie was literally a Halloween mask they just bought to make it. They don't actully own it and anyone can use that mask. So, no, Pooh has not fought Mousetrap Mickey.

Does Pooh scale to Bambi?
No lmao.

Now, Pooh scaling to Bambi isn't THAT hard to imagine in future movies. We have literally seen a few hints that they will meet in the future, but outside of the fact that they take place in the same universe, Pooh doesn't really have that many arguments to scaling to him? Bambi isn't even a Crossbreed, so you can't use that argument either, and he's so much bigger and stronger than anyone we have seen in the verse, to the point I just can't see anyone scaling to him now. Trust me, if Bambi was in this match he would one shot everyone.

Weakness
Pooh
Despite his overall violent nature, Pooh can be victim to quite a few crashouts from time to time due to memories of his old life. Not to mention, his tendency to kill and torture his victims as a whole ends up making him take a bit too long to actually go for the kill, allowing some of them to keep living so that he can keep on torturing them, which proved to spell out his demise at the hands of Christopher Robin who until that point, Pooh mostly foccused on torturing rather than killing. Pooh is extremely mentally unstable in general, often stopping what he's doing if he starts to remember his past, even downright hallucinating about his younger self.

The Mean One
The Mean One might seem threatening at first, but he's pretty clumsy, all things considered; he's seen constantly losing his footing whenever he's hit and stumbling around. He also seems to have trouble against high-pitched sounds, which ties up pretty nicely into the Grinch's actual motivation. Finally, if he is shown compassion, his heart will start growing and blow up in a bloody mess. Seeing things related to Christmas cause him to see red and not stop until he gets the kill, which might allow him to be tricked.

Screamboat Willie
(This doesn't even make sense, the reviews are positive, but i guess i'm to deep into the joke at this point.)

 Screamboat is very immature; he hardly, if ever, takes things actually seriously and prefers to play around with his prey rather than actually trying to take them out quickly. His love life is also a bit complicated. After losing Minnie, he became easily tricked by people who reminded him of her, such as the protagonist, who was able to attract Screamboat by dressing up in an outfit similar to Minnie's, and she reminded him so much of her to the point he was incapable of killing her.

Popeye 
Despite his strength being superhuman, Popeye relies too much on it and doesn't have as varied of an arsenal compared to the rest of his competition. There's, of course, the clear insanity which became a core part of Popeye after Olive went missing, making him hard to reason with and simply making him act way more bloodthristy than he ever was. He can also be sensed from afar by the smell of pipe smoke, which certainly makes it difficult to catch people by surprise if they know what they are doing.

Art Section

Verdict

4th Place: Screamboat Willie
Sadly, even though Screamboat is probably the best character here quality-wise, he's also the first one to fall. While he has some advantages over Pooh and Popeye, matching speeds with The Mean One, he simply lacks the strength needed to keep up with any of them, not even getting to the Wall Ranges. With the only real thing he has going for him is maybe being able to fry them by setting up a trap or using vapor, but those are extremely situational. In the end Screamboat just didn't have the power needed to bring these 3 down.

Screamboat Willie vs Pooh.
Screamboat should obviously be faster than Pooh. He has never really shown many speed feats outside of mainly scaling off real bears and driving a car, but while Pooh would hardly be able to hit Screamboat due to his small size and speed, I highly doubt Screamboat could cause any real damage considering how large the gap of AP and Durability Between the two is, Screamboat is also the only one here without any supernatural powers, so stuff like Pooh's Bees or Teleportation might give Pooh exactly the moment he needs to one shot the rat with a single slap. Pooh's Superior Stealth also makes this fight rather likely to end with...well, Pooh just eating the mouse when he least expects it.

Screamboat Willie vs The Mean One.
This is the exact same debate as Pooh vs Screamboat, except even more of a stomp. While The Mean One isn't as strong as Pooh, he takes away Screamboat's single advantage, Speed. As they both tie in it, so Screamboat is basically fighting someone who has the exact same Speed, Better AP and Durability, Better Weapons, and Better Hax? There is simply nothing he can truly do here.

Screamboat Willie vs Popeye.
Popeye is definitely an interesting one here. He doesn't tie in speed like The Mean One, and he doesn't Outhaxes by THAT much compared to Pooh. But he is still the second strongest. When it comes to weapons, he doesn't really have a lot, usually fighting with his own hands. It's important to note that Vapor probably wouldn't be as effective on him due to how deformed he already looks and maybe Screamboat would be able to eventually chip down his durability since outside of his strength, he doesn't have a lot to him, he's pretty slow so he does get blitzed, this is a pretty close one, but I'd say that Popeye might be able to tank enough hits to get the one hit he needs, especially with his Strength and Teleportation, he seems to mainly focus on head crushing so while fighting a mouse he would probably try crushing or stepping on him which would probably kill it. It's a tough one, but I think I'm probably giving it to Popeye.

"He Was Pure and kind before mankind's neglect left him corrupted and homicidal."

Advantages: 
  • Tied as the Fastest Person Here
  • His small size makes him hard to hit
  • Can Improvise with any weapon
  • Has a few situational wincons
  • If this was a battle over who has the best movie here, he would win
Disadvantages: 
  • Way too weak to keep up with anyone here.
  • Is the Only one with no Supernatural Powers
  • Loses his speed advantage when fighting The Mean One
  • Pooh would be capable of distracting him with his bees and catching him off guard.
  • His Wincons wouldn't be as effective on Popeye.
  • Is a Simp
3th Place: Popeye
You would expect The Popeye Parody to be one of the craziest ones here, but surprisingly enough, he's one of the most grounded here. Teleportation aside, despite this, he is still the second-strongest person in this Battle Royale, just behind Pooh, putting all his points on strength might have been a mistake however since his lack of Weapons, Hax and Speed proved to be his downfall. In the words of Socrates, if strength is your power, what are you without it?

Popeye vs Pooh.
This...is not close. Pooh simply does everything Popeye does, but better. AP? He is stronger by quite a bit. Weapons? Popeye barely uses those while Pooh has a large arsenal which he can use to cut Popeye apart, including a Chainsaw. Speed? Popeye is just kinda slow, especially compared to a Bear. And even if Popeye was able to cause some damage, a few drops of Honey is all it takes to regenerate, which is superior to Spinach, which makes him more unstable each time he eats it.

Popeye vs The Mean One.
At first, this might seem like a Screamboat vs Popeye case, but The Mean One has a couple advantages that help him stay in the game despite the superior stats. For one, at the very least, The Mean One and Popeye are on the same overall level. Which is wall, even though Popeye is clearly stronger. But The Mean One's Superior Weaponry and Powers are what personally seals the Deal here. He utilizes his Teleportation in a much more useful way and carries much more deadly weapons around, such as the Cleaver, which could likely cause decent damage to Popeye and tear off a few limbs. His Enhanced Senses, which are likely the best ones here, make it near impossible for Popeye to catch him by surprise, since Popeye always smells of smoke, if Screamboat vs Popeye was really close, even though Screamboat is inferior to Mean One on everything. Then I feel like The Mean One, while still having some problems, would be able to eventually take the sailor out.


Advantages: 
  • Second Strongest
  • Experienced in Fighting and Boxing
  • Can take multiple people at once
  • Somewhat Sane without Spinach compared to his competition
  • IS WHAT HE IS!
Disadvantages: 
  • Slowest Person here
  • Uses almost no weapons
  • Impossible to catch people by surprise due to the smell of smoke
  • Is the only one without Enhanced Senses
  • The Costume looks kinda goofy
Pooh vs The Mean One.
Power
This one should be clear-cut if you have read the other sections. Pooh is pretty much the strongest person here pretty easily, being able to shatter wooden doors with little difficulty (516,64 Kilojoules) compared with The Mean One, which, while strong, should only come around 30318 Joules. Making Pooh's casual Door Shattering way stronger than anything The Mean One has done. 

Pooh takes Power.

Speed
This one is on a completely different side of the coin. Since Pooh... Pooh doesn't have many speed feats on his own. The closest we could get is scaling him to real bears who can run up to 35 mph. Which is absolutely nothing compared to The Mean One's Bullet Dodging. I don't think a normal bear can dodge those. 

The Mean One takes Speed.

Combat Skill
Pooh's and The Mean One's main targets are often normal people, but only one of them has fought two people at once, in a house designed to kill them, which were armed with guns by the way. The Mean One did this by mixing his superior speed with his teleportation, allowing him to quickly escape danger and move around the place. Which is quite certainly a useful plan to have when it comes to this matchup, considering Pooh's strength. Not to mention the bar scene was a clear demonstration of how fast he is with his attacks. 

The Mean One takes Combat Skill

Weapons
They are both somewhat comparable when it comes to this. Both carry around a range of Blunt Weapons, Stabbing Weapons, Slashing Weapons. Even having similar ways to kill their opponents with the Meat Grinder and the Wood chipper. But Pooh seems to have a larger number and the more "deadly" ones. While most of The Mean One's arsenal is random objects, two of the most interesting pieces in his arsenal are the Chainsaw and his Bear Trap. The Chainsaw is, well, a fucking Chainsaw, it can rip apart limbs and slash people into pieces. The fact it catches on fire makes it even worse for The Mean One due to how much fur he has. The Bear Trap allows Pooh to have something The Mean One doesn't, a long-range option, which could rip his head off and bring it closer to him. But one item that stands out is Pooh's favorite food, Honey. The fact that he doesn't even need to eat it, but a few drops of this can already heal him with enough time is a massive help, allowing him to recover from any damage The Mean One might try to cause. 

Pooh takes weapons.

Hax
At first, this might seem like quite a useless category in this. They have a lot of similar powers. You could argue that The Mean One's teleportation and enhanced senses are superior, but there's not that much of a difference. I don't know how much Pooh's Lightning and Tech Manipulation are doing here, but they probably make very little difference. The Mean One's Supernatural Presence is neat, but Pooh is used to playing in the dark. I will say that it might help him get rid of the flames on the chainsaw, which is neat I guess. Which leaves us with one ability. The Bees, I'm not joking, this is a game changer. Pooh can summon a swarm of Bees which focus on and sting whoever he wants at any time. This could not only take advantage of The Mean One's Clumsiness, but also distract him enough for Pooh to finally get the hits he needs. And if that wasn't enough, there's one thing that comes with his physiology that saves him a lot of trouble; his higher bone density, which would prevent The Mean One from stabbing anything that is lethal. 

Pooh takes Hax.

Final Thoughts...
This was really, really close and I do feel that if we left out the first movie, The Mean One would be able to eventually cause enough damage to Pooh, but goddammit the bees man, they are just the perfect distraction considering how clumsy The Mean One is. It's not a small quantity and there's a large swarm. Even if he teleported, they would just follow him. That, alongside the large difference in AP and durability, makes me believe Pooh has this. The Mean One tried to poke The Bear but all he got was a trap to his head. 
The Winner is Winnie The Pooh! Oh Bother...

Advantages and Disadvantages
Pooh

Advantages: 
  • Easily the strongest person here
  • Has the most useful weapons
  • Honey would allow him to keep himself healthy.
  • THE GODDAMN BEES
  • High Bone Density makes him hard to cut through
  • Lowkey made The Plot of the FNAF Movie Better than the FNAF Movie
Disadvantages: 
  • Very Slow Compared to The Mean One and Screamboat
  • Honey is Finite
  • Unstable
  • Likes to drag on kills way too much.
  • His First Movie Sucks ass
The Mean One

Advantages: 
  • Tied as The Fastest
  • Very Quick in Combat
  • Knows how to use his Teleportation in the best way
  • Wide Range of Weapons
  • Can Turn any Object into a Weapon
  • Not in the Public Domain
Disadvantages: 
  • Doesn't have the AP needed to cut through Pooh's Bone Density
  • His resurrection is useless in this fight.
  • Bee Victim
  • Clumsy af
  • Could die if shown compassion
  • Not in the Public Domain

 Final Tally
Pooh (6): Ghost, J Taquito, Redflame, Battlegrounds, Helton1, JustCallMeLight 

The Mean One (3): Fnaf fan_1234, SonicDebater1924, Ratador

Screamboat Willie (0):

Popeye (0):

Psst, If you want to Help me with any future Matchup, just reach me on Discord. _hallownest__93103 or reddit.

Sources

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